Audio Posts

Labor Day With E.T. & Michael Jackson…

We were rippin’ and a tearin’ through this special two-hour edition of The Five Count. The first hour was made up of the typical hilarious fare, including a recount of Ton’s days as The Rocketeer and a heated discussion about who would be eaten first in the event of a zombie apocalypse. The bonus hour featured a special broadcast of the E.T. The Extra Terrestrial storybook, narrated by the one and only Michael Jackson. Southern Minnesota (and Ton especially) were brought to tears by this emotional tale. What better way to spend a Labor Day weekend?

Pour Some Pie Filling On Me…

During this installment of The Five Count we discussed the joys of running a farm for hearing-impaired jungle cats, the dangers of burning your crotch with hot fruit pies, and tried to figure out if we were bad enough dudes to rescue the president. The jury is still out.

Artwork by Nora Myers of The Dirty Birds

An Evening With Nickelodeon’s Danny Tamberelli…

This edition of The Five Count featured a special interview with Danny Tamberelli. Danny is best known for his role as “Little Pete” from the Nickelodeon show The Adventures of Pete & Pete. He also appeared in the film The Mighty Ducks and now performs with his band, Jounce. During the show he talked about what it was like being the poster boy for Nickelodeon, his possible ties to the Italian mafia, being close friends with Emilio Estevez, and his band Jounce. Listen up, blowholes!

Sorority House Massacre…

During this edition of The Five Count we poked fun at people who wear glasses, discussed the reasons why laser shows are making a big comeback, and received a phone call from a local sorority who asked us out on a date. Ton never came home last night!

Artwork by Nora Myers of The Dirty Birds

Ton’s Birthday Blowout…

This was the special “Ton’s Birthday Blowout” edition of the show. During the show we jammed out to Ton’s favorite songs, chatted about the metric system with a woman who called from China, and received a call from Ton’s arch-nemesis, Killoton, who unsuccessfully tried to thwart Ton’s birthday boogieing. For his birthday, Dustin gave Ton a brand new Motley Crue pencil pouch!

An Evening With WWE’s Paul Bearer…

This edition of The Five Count featured a special interview with WWE’s Paul Bearer. Paul is a professional wrestling legend and was a staple for more than 30 years in companies like WWE, WCW, and TNA. He managed guys like The Ultimate Warrior, Kane, Rick Rude, Steve Austin, Mick Foley, and The Undertaker. During the show he talked about life in the wrestling business, told stories about his days on the road with The Undertaker, and helped us understand how the wrestling business and the funeral business go hand in hand. Oh, yes!

Saturday Night Bum Fights…

This edition of The Five Count featured The Dirty Birds condoning bum fights, Dustin blaming the ills of society on the True Punks and their electro music, and a suggestion that Prince might take over after Christ retires. Brilliant!

Artwork by Nora Myers of The Dirty Birds

An Evening With Little House On The Prairie’s Alison Arngrim…

This edition of The Five Count featured a special interview with Alison Arngrim. Alison is best known as the evil “Nellie Oleson” on the TV show Little House on the Prairie. She is also the author of the book Confessions Of A Prairie Bitch: How I Survived Nellie Oleson And Learned To Love Being Hated. During the show she talked about her new book, made jokes about Michael Landon, and shared stories about life as a “bitch” on the prairie. Dustin tried to hit on her. Grab Ma and Pa!

Your Mom Listens To The Five Count…

This installment of The Five Count was Ton’s special birthday tribute to his mother. During the show Ton played all his mother’s favorite songs, shared stories about growing up and hanging out in beauty parlors, we discussed the pros and cons of Teddy Ruxpin, and Dustin tried hard to find a way to marry into Ton’s family. Love is in the air!

The Five Count Battles The Ruskies…

This was our special “Tribute to America” show featuring the music of America’s greatest export, Rocky IV. During the show we quoted our favorite lines from the film, Ton broke out into his own training montage, and we explained why we think the True Punks should be considered amongst the “Founding Fathers” of our country. Yo, Southern Minnesota! We did it!