Audio Posts

The Five Count Gets Caught Up In The Crossfire…

During this installment of The Five Count we talked about throwing knives at furniture, reminisced about Ton using semi-automatic weapons to destroy Dustin’s cherished childhood keepsakes, and discussed the art of crossbow warfare with a cab driver. It was an unnecessarily hostile show. Get caught up in the crossfire!

Hipster Ninja

Bullfights & Chest Hair…

This installment of The Five Count featured a heaping mess of ridiculous. During the show we shared stories about Ton’s career as a matador, briefly considered a career as cage fighters, and Ton reprimanded a caller in a Cajun-like fashion. The rest of the show was spent discussing different ways to style chest hair!

Photo by Joe Eggen

An Evening With Troma’s Lloyd Kaufman…

This edition of The Five Count was our special “Tribute to Troma” show, featuring an exclusive interview with the President of Troma Entertainment and Creator of The Toxic Avenger, Lloyd Kaufman. Lloyd is a world-renowned director, producer, actor, author, and has championed the cause of independent media for more than 30 years. During the show we talked to Lloyd about the behind the scenes happenings of Troma, his 40 years as a filmmaker, the dangers of media consolidation, and all the upcoming projects we can expect from Troma in the near future. He even invited us to be extras in the upcoming film Toxic Avenger 5: The Toxic Twins!

Paid Tha Cost To Be Da Sauce Boss…

Even though the funk dust has settled, The Five Count is back with a vengeance for this exciting installment. During the show we gave a caller some advice on how to impress his dates and rock the box, warned dorm residents about the dangers of babies having babies, and Ton explained what it takes to be the sauce boss.

Artwork by Nora Myers of The Dirty Birds

A Night At Studio 55-Count…

This edition of The Five Count was the final installment of our month-long “Funkuary” shows. During the show we got real sweaty while gettin’ down, recounted Ton’s recent date with KMSU’s Ms. Lona, and shared stories about the days at Studio 55-Count (which was just like Studio 54, only it was in Ton’s bedroom.) Ain’t nothin’ to it but to do it, baby!

The Fudge Count…

After a week-long furlough, we returned with another installment of “Funkuary” on The Five Count. During the show we discussed the logistics of having our own backing-band follow us around, tried to set up Ton with the girl who works at the pretzel hut in the mall, and we planned a trip to the beach. We also changed the name of the show to “The Fudge Count” for the last five minutes of the show. Get funky!

Artwork by Nora Myers of The Dirty Birds

The Five Count Celebrates Funkuary…

This was the first installment of our “Funkuary” series, The Five Count’s month-long dedication to the funk. During the show we busted out on the funk, gave shout-outs to a deathbed-ridden Ton, and Dustin’s grandma called in to discuss embroidery floss. It don’t get much funkier than that!

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The Five Count’s Princemas Celebration…

We celebrated Princemas for this edition of The Five Count. During the show we discussed all the reasons why Prince is so great, told the story of how Prince gave Ton his name, and thwarted the sophomoric efforts of the Princemas Grinch, a/k/a The Dirty Birds. Several rugs were defaced during the making of this show!

Udo Dirkschneider For President…

During this edition of The Five Count we shared tips on proper chest waxing, stirred up an on-air reunion with our former sponsor Finish Line Liquors, and described the similarities between Ton and Udo Dirkschneider (the singer for the metal band Accept.) It was a blistering masterpiece!

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Video by Joe Eggen

The Five Count Explains Proper Loofah Usage…

During this episode of The Five Count we explained the dangers of having “relations” with cattle, Ton talked about proper loofah usage, and we discussed the similarities between the general manager of the station and Bono. It’s uncanny!

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