Audio Posts

Paid Tha Cost To Be Da Sauce Boss…

Even though the funk dust has settled, The Five Count is back with a vengeance for this exciting installment. During the show we gave a caller some advice on how to impress his dates and rock the box, warned dorm residents about the dangers of babies having babies, and Ton explained what it takes to be the sauce boss.

Artwork by Nora Myers of The Dirty Birds

A Night At Studio 55-Count…

This edition of The Five Count was the final installment of our month-long “Funkuary” shows. During the show we got real sweaty while gettin’ down, recounted Ton’s recent date with KMSU’s Ms. Lona, and shared stories about the days at Studio 55-Count (which was just like Studio 54, only it was in Ton’s bedroom.) Ain’t nothin’ to it but to do it, baby!

The Fudge Count…

After a week-long furlough, we returned with another installment of “Funkuary” on The Five Count. During the show we discussed the logistics of having our own backing-band follow us around, tried to set up Ton with the girl who works at the pretzel hut in the mall, and we planned a trip to the beach. We also changed the name of the show to “The Fudge Count” for the last five minutes of the show. Get funky!

Artwork by Nora Myers of The Dirty Birds

The Five Count Celebrates Funkuary…

This was the first installment of our “Funkuary” series, The Five Count’s month-long dedication to the funk. During the show we busted out on the funk, gave shout-outs to a deathbed-ridden Ton, and Dustin’s grandma called in to discuss embroidery floss. It don’t get much funkier than that!

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The Five Count’s Princemas Celebration…

We celebrated Princemas for this edition of The Five Count. During the show we discussed all the reasons why Prince is so great, told the story of how Prince gave Ton his name, and thwarted the sophomoric efforts of the Princemas Grinch, a/k/a The Dirty Birds. Several rugs were defaced during the making of this show!

Udo Dirkschneider For President…

During this edition of The Five Count we shared tips on proper chest waxing, stirred up an on-air reunion with our former sponsor Finish Line Liquors, and described the similarities between Ton and Udo Dirkschneider (the singer for the metal band Accept.) It was a blistering masterpiece!

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Video by Joe Eggen

The Five Count Explains Proper Loofah Usage…

During this episode of The Five Count we explained the dangers of having “relations” with cattle, Ton talked about proper loofah usage, and we discussed the similarities between the general manager of the station and Bono. It’s uncanny!

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The Five Count Are Not Chauvinist Pigs…

For this episode of The Five Count we spent a lot of time apologizing for our past chauvinistic digressions. Ton was especially disappointed about his tendency to be piggish in the past. During the show we also compared David Bowie to the McDonald’s Big Mac Moon, planned a hacky-sacking road trip to Oregon, and Ton talked with a caller in great detail about the art of sandwich making. The show was devoid of all misogyny.

Sweatin’ To The Five Count…

We danced our way into the new year for this special “Sweatin’ to The Five Count” edition of the show. During the show we tried to sell Birk into slavery, discussed the striking similarities between Ton and Roy Orbison, and sweated profusely as we simultaneously boogied and oogied into 2010. It’s gonna be a great year!

Dustin Wilmes as the New Year’s Baby

The Five Count Breaks Curfew…

For this decade-ending edition of The Five Count we completely abandoned the usual musical portions of the show and went back to our talk-radio roots. Former KMSU superstar and host of The Curfew radio hour Dylan Schultz joined us for the show. Since The Five Count has been ripping off The Curfew for years, resurrecting the old Curfew format for the final show of the ’00s seemed like the right thing to do.

During the show we discussed the numerous stains left on the furniture at KMSU, received another phone call from a disgruntled Santa, slandered LeVar Burton, spoke with Ridge Runner about the pros and cons of wearing moccasins, and reminisced about the good ol’ days. See you next year!

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