Specialty Shows

A Five Count Christmas 2009…

This was our fifth annual edition of “A Five Count Christmas.” It was filled to the brim with merry. During the show we shared loads of Christmas cheer, Ton offered himself up as a gift to the ladies of Southern Minnesota, and we received a phone call from Santa Claus, who explained how the birth of Jesus ruined Christmas. We also premiered a brand new song from The Five Count House Band called, oddly enough, A Five Count Christmas. Merry Christmas!

Artwork by Nora Myers of The Dirty Birds

The Ghost Of Five Count Past…

This was a precursor to next week’s annual “A Five Count Christmas” show. It was overflowing with Christmas music to get Southern Minnesota in the holiday spirit. During the show we explained the logistics of time traveling with the True Punks, Dustin told a story about his days in the band Pennywise, and we discussed the possibility of being haunted by Ton’s ghost. It’ll make a great soundtrack to wrapping gifts!

An Anonymous Listener Makes a Google Search for The True Punks

Sasha Mitchell’s Bastard Christmas…

This episode of The Five Count kicked off the holiday season with a bang. During the show we tried our best to track down Ton’s numerous illegitimate children, Ton discouraged a would-be killer by disclosing his long-time friendship with champion kick-boxer Sasha Mitchell, and Dustin explained the trials and tribulations of having quintceps (the muscles that come after biceps and triceps.) During the show, Ton’s name was changed to Peck Deck!

A Five Count Thanksgiving…

This was our special broadcast of “A Five Count Thanksgiving.” During the show we discussed the numerous things we’re thankful for, Ton told a story about his affair with Sheila E., and we explained to the listeners the best way to avoid making heinous stuffing. We also premiered a brand new song from The Five Count House Band called D.L.W. It was rather ripping. Thanks for celebrating Turkey Day the Five Count way!

An Evening With Impaler’s Bill Lindsey…

This edition of The Five Count not only ended our month-long run of Halloween shows, but also featured an interview with Bill Lindsey, founder and vocalist of the legendary shock rock band Impaler. Impaler has been scaring parents since 1983 and pissed off Tipper Gore enough to put them atop the PMRC’s most wanted list. In addition to discussing the history of the band and playing some Impaler classics, we also conversed about Impaler’s many run-ins with the PMRC, and talked in great detail about the inner-workings of the American Wrestling Association. Take that Tipper Gore!

Shrieks & Creaks…

This edition of The Five Count was the fourth round of our Halloween-themed shows. We played some spooky music and finished out the KMSU pledge drive by whining for big dollars. During the show we also received a call from a puppy mill owner, Ton explained the inner-workings of the economic recession, and we chatted with the proprietor of Crypticon, Minnesota’s premiere horror convention. Scare yourself silly!

The Five Count Live From The Boiler Room…

This was the third installment of our Halloween-themed shows. It was broadcast live from the bowels of the KMSU boiler room. Together we were making spooky radio and begging for pledge drive dollars. During the show we received a phone call from the ghost of Steely Dan, unearthed all the strange things the station manager hid in the crawl space of the boiler room, and discussed the untimely passing of Ton’s biological father, Captain Lou Albano. R.I.P. Capt. Lou!

The Five Count Was Emo Before Emo Was Cool…

The second installment of our month-long Halloween shows featured lots of scary music and scary conversations. During it the show we had an angry caller reciting some poetry, discussed how the ghost of Herb Kroon (Best of Broadway host) haunts the KMSU studios, Dustin told the story of how he invented emo, and Ton shared some memories of his days as the original Noid (the Domino’s Pizza mascot.) A lot of scary ground was covered!

The Five Count Gets Spooky…

This edition of The Five Count was the beginning of a month-long series of Halloween extravaganzas. During the show Ton discussed the intense training regimen he uses to become huge, a caller shared some stories about being a ninja for hire, and we chatted with a young lady who told the haunting tale of what it’s like to be the daughter of KMSU’s Ms. Lona. Talk about spooky!

Bustin’ Out On The Funk…

This was a special “Funky Five Count” edition of the show. We celebrated the four-year anniversary of Ton leaving his old show (The Mothership Connection) and officially joining The Five Count. During the show we busted out on the funk, Ton complained about not being black, and then he brought back his old “J.C. The Love Doctor” persona to help the callers get laid. It was audio Spuds MacKenzie!

Artwork by The Brotherhood of Ton